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Reviewed on 16th February 2011.



By The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart

My girlfriend wants me to have talk therapy. She is sick of me screaming at her all the time over nothing. Anyway, I have done some research, and apparently one of the side effects of my lovely little anti psychotic pills is that they make me more irritable. What kind of fucking sense does that make?! It's like the way lemonade makes you more thirsty! Anyway, we all know that talking about your problems doesn't solve them, and my problem is that I want to be in the best indie band in the world and fly round in a Ferrari spaceship that fires custard and laser beams, lording it over everyone like a skinny, shiny pop star. With that in mind, let's stop talking about my problems and move onto the new Pains single.

THEIR problem is that they haven't got any ideas of their own. The song title is from an instrumental on the second most famous R.E.M album and the riff is from 'today' by the smashing pumpkins, although thanks to having the guy who produced Smashing Pumpkins on board, it actually sounds more like 'Machina 2' era Smashing Pumpkins. So basically Pains have progressed from wanting to be New Order, to wanting to be Smashing Pumpkins when Smashing Pumpkins wanted to be New Order.

But still I can't front. There's no getting away from it, this is absolutely wonderful. It marks the longed for moment when Pains finally grow a pair of balls. Admittedly those balls look like Billy Corgan's head swinging in the sack, but hey, little old Billy was always a bit of a testicle, god love and protect him. The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, then. They have no ideas of their own, but they are so good at using other peoples' that I actually want to perform oral sex on all of them one after another for about nine hours while my girlfriend watches with an apple in her mouth. Who needs talk therapy when you can splatter your ugly little secrets all over the internet and prostitute your very soul for a seven inch single deal with an indiepop label? Not me. This single is a lot like lemonade or anti psychotics. I can't keep it out of my mouth, but I am still strangely unsatisfied at the end. Enough foreplay. Next time Pains, kick my face off or I am through with you.



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