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Still Not Getting Any by Simple Plan

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Reviewed on 1st March 2005.


Still Not Getting Any

By Simple Plan

Oh it's so easy to laugh at Simple Plan. Rightfully so they fall foul to the butt of jokes from the majority of the cooler than thou music fans. If I was the righteous type I may strike up a mighty pose and take the bullet for Simple Plan but when the music is this dire I'd really rather join in.

If there was an award for 'Most Cliches in an Album' Simple Plan would win hands down. It's as if the vocalist hasn't got a creative cell in his brain to come up with something of interest and merit to utter and instead it comes out along the lines of "Shut Up, Shut Up, Shut Up". It was bad enough when Linkin Park used them words but when Simple Plan sing, it just sounds like a petulant 10 year old having a tantrum because they've been sent to bed early. The sorry thing is he's singing what these kids want to hear and especially in the good 'ol U.S of A that's big business. If you haven't heard Simple Plans sound yet (well done, can I buy you a drink?) it really is the lowest form of punk rock, the bottom rung of the punk ladder, Rose and Strummer must be rolling in their respective graves having this referred to as punk in some circles. Granted pop-punk is its official stance, 99.9% pop, 0.1% punk of course. As if Good Charlotte's Madden Brothers couldn't become more of a figure of hate it was their responsibility for launching these 20-somethings who should really know better on to us a few years back and as of going to press I'm yet to witness debut album 'No Pads, No Helmets... Just Balls' and (touch wood) I never will but it's hard to see how on earth the lyrics could have progressed in a more mature direction since then. It really is amateur stuff.

Setting off as it means to go on, first single 'Shut Up' is just pitiful, it's not often I can't bare to listen to a modern rock song but this flirts with crossing the line between me flinging something of significant weight in the direction of the CD player and just considering puncturing my own eardrums. For god's sake man, take your own advice.

But then as if someone with a teaspoon full of talent entered the studio and for the sake of mankind forced the spoon down the vocalists throat a sparkle of light emerges. 2nd and 3rd tracks A-ok *checks* yep, eardrums have stopped bleeding... They even approach the realms of being worthy to be etched on CD, 'Perfect World' for example sounds like a Green cast-off as do 1-2 others despite the mass of cliches and borrowed guitar parts from brothers in arms GC and Blink 182. The most comedy metal guitar solo in the world ever welcomes potential album highlight 'Me Against The World' but then just like a candle in the wind the glimmer of light is extinguished.

'Jump' ("Don't want to think about my sorrow, I just want to jump", just make sure you're on a hideously tall building when you do that please mate), "Thank You", "Promise" all add to the overall feeling that Simple Plan should not be allowed to play music in any context. However closer 'Untitled' (Look they've even run out of ideas for song titles!) does show signs of maturity with a string section, piano and attempts to sing as if he isn't pre-pubescent. It's a nice note to end on but it doesn't hide the fact Simple Plan are thoroughly poor. The kids will love them, your little brother will love this but for everyone else it's just not relevant and "Still Not Getting Any" does nothing to change the opinions of the naysayers, and so, and still, rightfully so Simple Fan deserve any abuse that comes their way.



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