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Suck Fony by Wheatus

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Reviewed on 10th March 2005.

 
 

Suck Fony

By Wheatus

Every so often, an album comes along so wretched, so dire, so utterly worthless that it prompts you to feel like sitting by your garden pond and wondering what exactly the point of it was. Wheatus, as you may have guessed by the atrocious pun title (oh stop it you kerrazy SoCal guys, you're cracking me up, honest!), used to be signed to Sony and a couple of years back released the utterly dire "Hand Over Your Loved Ones" album as a last chance to cling on to some of the rapidly diminishing fame they'd gained via the (admittedly rather fun) "Teenage Dirtbag" single a few years back. Predictably it sank like a stone and their record label wisely slung them overboard.

That by all rights should have been that. But musical history has a nasty way of repeating itself and, in what I can only assume is some sort of "sticking it to the man" gesture in their sad deluded minds, Wheatus have now re-recorded the album "without record company interference", and re-released it. To which I feel compelled to ask the question - what exactly was the fucking point? It was shit then and it's shit now except with less keyboards and more guitars on it. And really, who in their right minds would want to buy a set of songs as utterly feeble as this lot are twice? It really does beggar belief but in terms of ludicrous over-estimation of their own talents, Wheatus make Kasabian look positively modest.

The nadir? Well, there's plenty of contenders but "Lemonade" which appears to be about finding a girlfriend cheating on you and opens with the line "Just tell me if his dick is bigger than mine" (niiiiice...) probably just to say takes the golden turd award.

Hopefully the fact that this record will almost certainly sell a fraction of the copies that even the last one managed will give these hideously unfunny Colin Hunt-a-likes the hint to piss off and leave us all alone. No joke, fuckers.

 

Comments

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On 11th March 2005 at 09:31 Anonymous 30 wrote...

Swearing again...is there any need?

 

On 14th March 2005 at 20:43 Anonymous 3946 wrote...

When an album's this bad? Sorry but yes.

 

On 9th February 2007 at 23:38 Anonymous 6277 wrote...

Andy James is an idiot .. period

 

On 13th February 2007 at 12:17 Anonymous 3193 wrote...

Bodyform

 

On 14th February 2007 at 09:19 Anonymous 3485 wrote...

It's my life....

 

On 20th November 2008 at 01:11 Anonymous 7211 wrote...

This review had such an impact on the world that it took me 3 years to find it. I can see why there has been no articles from this guy in two years, he is way off key. Personaly I love this album and although I can see why some people wouldn't, musically it is still pretty decent (even if it's not your style) and warrents a 3 at worst.
This is why I never listen to reviews.

 

On 20th November 2008 at 08:49 Anonymous 7212 wrote...

Hear hear, K1ng_Frog. What's more to the point the review is just wrong.

(oh stop it you kerrazy SoCal guys, you're cracking me up, honest!) - if this is a reference to Wheatus then they're from New York.

"released the utterly dire "Hand Over Your Loved Ones" album" - which was ONLY released in the UK and recieved no promotion from Sony, they wanted something out in the market quickly whilst the band didn't.

"Predictably it sank like a stone and their record label wisely slung them overboard." - the band left the label, not vice versa. They had to give up a lot of rights to their music for a long time but it was worth it.

"It was shit then and it's shit now except with less keyboards and more guitars on it." - actually it has the same amount of both.

"Hopefully the fact that this record will almost certainly sell a fraction of the copies that even the last one managed will give these hideously unfunny Colin Hunt-a-likes the hint to piss off and leave us all alone. No joke, fuckers." - if you don't like something, don't buy it, listen to it, just stay away. Sadly for you Wheatus have released another album after this one and are about to release a series of EPs. Enjoy them.

Wheatus are the most under rated band ever.

 
 
 

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