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Splints & Oxygen EP by Nothing (Brighton)

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Reviewed on 26th October 2005.

 
 

Splints & Oxygen EP

By Nothing (Brighton)

Dear LMS,

I am writing to you to divulge the contents of my listening discomforts, circa the morning of October the 7th, 2005. It was a crisp Autumnal morn, and my native Halifax-onians were busy with the trivialities of modern day sludging. I, on the other hand, had recently received a package of musical content, and found space for aural treats, outside of my usual busy rota of gardening and Buckaroo commitments. I read the blurb, and found that the sounds had been lovingly crafted by a band branded, "Nothing", who belong to the Brighton area of Blighty. Four tracks were fronted, and I settled in to the old chair with parchment and quill at hand. Immediately I was reminded of The Levellers, recently discovering the technological wonders of distortion. Or even Thom Yorke, thinking that and Irish fairy-metal album would be this year's brew. But then, an epiphany! This is not Radiohead members gone gaga at all! This... is... Nothing. All along, the clue, was in, the name!

Oh, What A Silly War!

The failings of opening track, "Lobanster" were plain. Sound was escaping the speakers, but none demanded an emotion, a thought, a shake of the fist, a shiver up the spine! In short, it was undoubtedly nothing. "Granok" started off hectares better. Grunge guitars mixed with melodic, mournful vocals. This was more like it! Two minutes and Six sweet seconds passed, but then the rot set in. You could hear the band panicking, "This is good shit fellahs, but where do we go now?" Old man mini-thought pipes up, "A GEE-TARRR SOLO!". "Yeyyyyy!" cried the children.

"Booooo!" cried the reviewer.

A flaccid guitar solo that fumbles round the target like a blind virgin, then flops to an unsatisfactory ending. It came so close too! Not classic intercourse. If the middle 8 of "Granok" sounded awkward, then check out the lanky-dorkness of the opening exchange of, "Reducing Gun"! It's like Morrissey at a Whimsy Convention! The drums and guitars sounded like they were playing in different continents, and reading from a completely different hymn sheet. Woe betide. I realised I hadn't heard a single lyric that Mr Blewett had penned yet, so as the music sat back, I set my ears to strain.

"Here it is, the quiet bit. You will notice, I know you will".

What?

The first audible line I heard, was of the vocalist singing lyrics about his band's dynamics. At this stage I was all wound up for a rant, but edited myself to one word. Uninspired. Immediately I turned the CD off, opting for a less irritating silence. The fourth track will forever remain a mystery. It could have been the next "Looking Glass", but I took my chance. Justification bounded through the door when I later read the title to said track. "Three Steps To Cheese". Heard enough? I have.

Yours forever and ever and ever, Dregs.

 

Comments

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On 27th October 2005 at 16:01 Anonymous 4205 wrote...

Can't speak for 'Nothing' but I love the review style.

 

On 30th October 2005 at 18:57 Anonymous 2832 wrote...

I agree with Mr. Woolford - I read your earlier ones after having seen this one and smiled. Well done for using the word 'osmosise' at one point - I applaud you.

 

On 2nd November 2005 at 01:32 Anonymous 4913 wrote...

Biology was fun.
its terminology has many possibilities, and I am able to draw a mean test-tube because of it.
only 1 review to go and I get my name listed.
but Paul is a shit name, so maybe I shouldnt bother.
there was a few mistakes in that last review, shame on me.

 
 
 

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