By Shock Defeat!
The modern age, it's a killer ain't it? With the millions of infobytes each of us has to deal with every day why is it that music reviews are running longer and becoming increasingly verbose? Greil Marcus's take on 'Like A Rolling Stone'? That runs to a concise 283 paperback pages. I propose a swift orderly return to the days when reporters sent in copy by telegram and paid by the word to do so. I foresee reviews boiling down to the quick, finishing the all too common pretensions of the aspiring writer (name dropping, redundant punctuation, language crimes, over-reliance on cliché) once and for all.
So let's see how it will it look in operation.
Old format: Personally I loved the all too brief disco punk scene but it seemed like not many others cared beyond a passing hip shake. This record reminds me of a couple of minor footnotes from those neon days - The Liars' debut record 'They Threw Us All in a Trench and Stuck a Monument on Top' and a single I picked up by LA's Moving Units. Unfortunately this is a tardy and inferior imitation.
New format: Might have flown in 2002 STOP My calendar says 2007 STOP
Old format: Shock Defeat! seem to have one way of differentiating themselves from the pack - Felix from Hot Chip seems to think they're hot shit. Now I'm not sure about you but I'd don't know if I'm all that happy taking a recommendation from any guy rocking the Hot Chip look. Though admittedly it's been a few years since Saved By The Bell and its associated sequels folded so maybe propeller caps and glasses held together with an Elastoplast will be making a fashion comeback any day now.
New format: Tipped by nerds STOP
Old format: Can't sing? Maybe you can wail it out like the guy from The Rapture! Turns out you couldn't. Either of you.
New format: Constant yelping hurts my ears STOP
So now you can see the genius of the system and just think how much time you'll be saving. This way you can really knuckle down this year and achieve those goals rather than just pissing it up the wall like last time. As for me, it's next stop Metro listing section.